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nurse_clairebear
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Name: Claire
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
Gender: Female
Interests: God/church; Michael JP LaBerge; Music; Friends (the series, and mine too): Family; Shopping, if I ever had any money; Movies,etc
Expertise: Singing; nursing (wounds in particular! Mmmm); general advice giving; and cooking... apparently
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
11/1/2005
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| So I just logged in for the first time since October and was saddened to see that it only took 4 pages of my subscriptions to catch up on what everyone has blogged since then. Is Xanga dying? How sad. I realise, however, that I am among the guilty in letting it pass silently away, so I am going to write my first blog since JUNE! Here goes...
(You should be warned that since I've started this, it has turned into the lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ong, drawn out story of how Bailee came into the world. Dawn, you've really started something. Opinions and ideas expressed are merely those of the author and are not intended to offend anyone who may disagree entirely. Comments and rebuttals welcome.)
As you can see from previous blogs, the first half of the year was all about being pregnant and preparing for the imminent arrival of our beautiful little blessing. I did indeed love being pregnant, until about the last month or so  . That's when the heartburn, swollen ankles, carpal tunnel syndrome and pelvic girdle pain kicked in; and just sleeping, walking and holding a fork were a bit of a chore. Great fun when you're trying to stay at work right up to 38 weeks, but thankfully my colleagues were very understanding and gave me all the boring written and computer work to do. I went 11 days past my due date. One visit to the midwife bub's head was engaged and the next it wasn't. I wasn't even starting to dilate, and having a membrane sweep didn't work either. Neither did any of the traditional ways of bringing on labour! So they booked me in to be induced.
We went to the prenatal ward on the 18th of July and induction was started at 12midday with the insertion of prostin gel to soften my cervix and start contractions. Not the most pleasant experience I have to say! Prostin basically just gives you one big long wave of semi mild contractions, and they then send you off to walk around to get the process going and kinda take your mind off the pain until your next dose. They can only give you 2 doses per day, so we could have been in for a long haul before real labour actually started. I used the time to go and visit people I worked with. The hospital also has a beautiful little Chaplaincy where we went and sat and prayed for a while until it was time to go back for my next dose. I had another dose about 6pm but still, nothing major was really starting to happen. Mike was allowed to stick around until 9pm, but after that I was on my own and they assured me that I'd probably just have to wait until the morning to have another dose to really get things going. I almost just wanted to go home and at least sleep in my own bed overnight. Thank God I didn't!
About 11ish, as the woman in the bed next to me, that had been started at the same time as me, screamed in agony and was wheeled off the labour ward - I started to get distinctly uncomfortable. The midwife ran a hot bath for me to see if that would ease my pain any, but it didn't really help. I came back to bed and was managing to shut my eyes for a few minutes between contractions, but they were getting more and more intense. Breathing and praying through them wasn't helping. About midnight-ish I thought my water had broken, but the midwife examined me and assured me that it was still intact and I was not very far dilated, but that the head was finally engaged. She gave me a hot pack to see if it would help but the pain was just getting worse and worse. Eventually, about 2am I think, I had just had enough and needed some proper pain relief, so they called downstairs to make sure they had a bed, and whisked me off to the labour ward.
I think I was only there about 10 minutes before Mike arrived. I can still remember the look of shock and concern on his face. They gave me the mouthpiece to huff on the Entonox (gas and air/laughing gas) and I started to get some relief. I was strapped up to the monitor that records the baby's heart rate and the strength of the contractions, so Mike could watch that and tell me when a contraction was starting, even before I felt it, so that I could get the entonox into my system before the contraction came to a peak. It was good at first but ended up being a bit rubbish as the process went on. I wasn't allowed to eat anything except glucose tablets and the odd cereal bar, in case I was sick. But the entonox was making my throat really really dry, so I was drinking gallons of water, and therefore was vomiting about a litre of water every 45 minutes or so anyway.
The rest of the process is a complete blur from here on in. It seemed like every time I opened my eyes and came to a little bit, the room was full of completely different doctors and midwives. The mixture of the exhaustion of labour and being up since 8am the morning before, and the drugs, and the pain meant that I was ridiculously tired, and drowsy, and even beginning to hallucinate. It's quite amusing now that I thought my cat was there, and I was taking her to help me "buy perfume for the people". I, of course, don't remember anything about it. Mike has filled me in as best he can since then. About 6am they broke my waters and, oh my gosh, that's a lot of water!! I was swimming in the stuff! Very dignified. A couple of hours later they were starting to get concerned because I had been drinking a lot, but also throwing up a lot, and were therefore worried about my urine output and renal function. I don't remember it, but they passed an in-out catheter to see how much urine was in my bladder and it wasn't enough, so they started me on IV fluids, restricted my oral intake to 60mls an hour and put in a self-retaining catheter to monitor my urine output more closely. They kept offering me an epidural for the pain but I was adamant I didn't want one and was sure I could do this according to my birth plan with just entonox (and the birthing pool if one was available) for pain. By 10am, I think, I was 8cms dilated and they were quite sure that I would be pushing by 12 midday and that I would have my baby in my arms by early afternoon. When my sister called at this point, this was the hopeful news she was given. However, as you can probably tell from my tone, all was not as well as they thought and we were in for a rough ride. I should post a copy of my birth plan to give you a laugh. It's basically the opposite of what actually happened! 
At this point my blood pressure started to climb dramatically and they gave me a beta blocker tablet to see if it would help. They're not sure if I vomited it, or if it just didn't work, but it made no difference to my blood pressure. So through delirium, pain and exhaustion they explained that the only thing that could bring my blood pressure down now would be an epidural, and asked my permission to go ahead and arrange it. I was kinda oblivious to the seriousness of the situation, but Mike was getting more and more concerned and helped me make the decision to go ahead and have it. In came the anaesthetist, a lovely woman, who I actually knew from working on a surgical ward, and she put in my first epidural. I don't remember anything about it. They apparently just swung my legs over the side of the bed, and all worked together to hold me upright while she put it in. I didn't even flinch! Soon I was numb from the waist down, but had one patch on my abdomen that was still feeling the contractions, so I was still huffing away on my gas and air.
As we got into mid afternoon, they checked me and I was contracting strongly, but still only 8cms dilated, and they were starting to get concerned for the baby. She had been asleep for the vast majority of the time and they were starting to worry that she was distressed. They had to take a blood sample from her head whilst she was still inside me to check that the pH indicated she was still ok. This made me shake off all my drowsiness and delirium and wake RIGHT up! I had been so out of it that I hadn't even thought about either of our wellbeing, and the thought of coming this far and then causing my baby harm or distress was like giving me smelling salts or something. The result was borderline, but she was fine. However they were still concerned that I wasn't going to dilate the last 2cms and push her out before she did get distressed so they decided to start me on a cintocin (oxytocin/pitocin all the same thing) drip to make my contractions even stronger to make me dilate more. Because this was going to make my contractions ridiculously strong and painful, they decided to fix my epidural and make sure I had a complete block, which meant putting in a new one. The anaesthetist was putting in the local anaesthetic and I jumped out of my skin. She said, "Hmmm. That didn't happen the last time."
Bliss! No pain, whatsoever! Aaaaaahhhhhh...
So they had me on the cintocin for a couple of hours but I still didn't dilate those last 2cms. I think at this point, about 4pm, my sister called again, expecting the happy news that I'd had a healthy baby, but was kinda cut short and told abruptly, "There's no news yet!" and she began to worry. About 1630 they told me that they were prepping theatre and that they wanted to take me through for an emergency caesarian section. My heart sank, and I just burst into tears. I felt like I had failed. I couldn't even give birth to my own baby. But thinking about it, after 28 and a half hours, I probably wouldn't have had the energy to push her out anyway. And the blessing was that thanks to the awesome anaesthetist and the complete block I had from my chest down, I could be awake for the surgery and didn't have to wait to come round to meet my baby.
So at 1705, on the 19th of July, 29 hours after this whole process started, our beautiful daughter Bailee Emma LaBerge was yanked out into the cold bright theatre. That's right Claire, they said daughter. I was so convinced we were having a boy and was incredibly happy with that, but was seriously overjoyed to have a girl, even if she was screaming inconsolably the whole time they were stitching me back up, and for a good few hours afterward . She weighed 8lbs 12.5oz, and measured 20.5inches in length.
♥♥♥
Now as you may know from previous blogs, I had read Supernatural Childbirth and had been applying all of its principles throughout my pregnancy and had nothing but faith for a supernatural, pain free, delivery. The book basically teaches that if Jesus bore our sin and pain on the cross, then the curse of pain in childbirth has been lifted. However, on closer examination, I have realised that a LOT of scriptures in the book are taken out of context and twisted to convey what the author wants you to believe. E.g. Where Genesis says, "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. 18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field 19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food", the book interprets that to mean that when God cursed us for eating from the tree of life, He said that man should be in pain while he eats - and, according to the book, since he is not, women should therefore not experience pain in childbirth either, as was her curse. I am certainly no Bible scholar, but what I would take from that scripture is that before the fall, getting food from the ground/trees etc was a simple task. The world was a lush and fruitful place where food was readily available to eat as needed. However, since the curse, man has to work hard "by the sweat of his brow" to get the food from the ground, and therefore he'd still be pretty sweaty, stiff and sore when coming to eat it. It's not the eating that causes the pain. That is just one of many scriptures that I feel are taken out of context. I won't even get started on the use of Malachi's tithing scripture to mean that, if you're a faithful Christian, you should never have a miscarriage??!!
Now I do not doubt that some people have read this book and had a wonderful childbirth experience. But so too have many women; Christian; Jew; Muslim; agnostic and many many others who have not read it, nor share its beliefs. It's just the way they are made. I feel this book is a very dangerous book indeed. It has the power to create a divide among Christians. To make one Christian doubt another Christian's faith level when that is not their call to make. And it could just as easily have been me judging people, if I had so happened to have an amazing birth experience, and my fellow Christian didn't. I have prayed and waited a long time for God to let me know why I had to go through such an ordeal, and what I have gleaned is this. That He simply wants me to remain accepting, and non-judging. That He would rather I not put Him in a box and expect Him to do things the way I expect my God-in-a-box to do things. That I would just allow Him to be God, and trust Him in that, no matter what ways and means He uses to accomplish His goals. He put me in the best possible hands and ensured the total safety of Bailee and myself at all times. Without that care we both would certainly be dead!
Because of my previous expectations, and the way things actually turned out, I have had an incredible crisis of faith since Bailee was born. She was particularly difficult for the first 8 weeks, a lot of it due to mistakes we made in the first few days, and I really had trouble bonding with her. Because I didn't actually push her out myself, I couldn't connect this little bundle I was holding, and feeding and trying to get to stop screaming; to the little menace that kicked, and hiccuped, and twisted and turned inside me for 9 months. In my eyes, God had completely abandoned me, and I was sad to say that having a baby was the most faith-destroying experience of my life! Over about 4 months I went on one rollercoaster journey from complete faith, to disappointment, to anger, to feeling abandoned and let down, to not even believing God exists - finally back to complete faith again. I have really good Pastors and one great big God!
All is well in the world of Claire now. One book I can't recommend enough is Gina Ford's New Contented Little Baby Book. Thanks to that we now have the happiest, most content, well behaved little girl in the world! She sleeps 12 hours a night in her own bed. You just have to put her down and walk away and she gets herself to sleep. She can get herself back to sleep if she wakes up during the night, and just this week doesn't need to be swaddled anymore. She feeds well and is absolutely thriving. Is on the 98 percentile on all her growth charts. I'm so proud of her. She's my little angel. I only wish we'd had that book from day one.
The hospital Docs have sent a letter to my family Doctor to say that they recommend that I have caesarian sections for all subsequent pregnancies. I'm not comfortable with this as I feel it's why I couldn't bond with Bailee right away, and plenty of women need caesarians for one pregnancy but not for subsequent ones. I totally trust their judgement, but would like to give it a go by myself, and if God knows this is a desire of my heart, He may grant it to me. At least next time I will be better mentally prepared and I will be asking for the epidural straight away!
Here's one little interesting fact for ya. Once I realised that God is definitely there and definitely cares about me - I figured out this little gem. Bailee's date of birth is an exact anagram of mine. 19 07 2008/07 02 1980. I dunno how this goes Biblically, except that numbers seem to be particularly significant at times, but to me, that's God's way of winking at me and saying, "See? I told ya I was there!" Just doesn't feel like a coincidence
 
 
More pics:
Our Little Bailee Bear
Bailee's dedication
Bailee's First Christmas
More Bailee
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| Just found a great web page on how to understand the Scottish language. Some of the words I didn't even know since different dialects are spoken in different regions - so good for anyone planning on visiting Bonnie Scotland Go have a look:
Understanding the Scottish Language
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| So I thought I'd better write this post before I get all huge and uncomfortable and just want to be done with pregnancy. But for now, I'm loving it, and I thought I would put it in writing so that I can look back on it and remember.
I'm now 33 (nearly 34) weeks pregnant and the time is just flying by. In just a few short weeks we're gonna have a baby! We're gonna be parents! Eek! Responsibility! I'm still working and hope to work right up until 38 weeks so that I get more time in my maternity leave with the baby. People at work have been really great. Nursing is a very physically demanding job, but they've been brilliant, making sure I do the low impact stuff and all the paperwork, computer stuff etc. The only problem I've encountered there has been the heat. You have to keep a burns unit at a constant 28℃ (80☼F) so that the skin grafts take well, so I spend the first hour of work trying not to faint  .
But apart from that, I've been blessed with a wonderful pregnancy. I had a fair bit of nausea in the beginning and threw up a couple of times, but that was only when we were in the States for Thanksgiving, so I don't know if it was exacerbated by the jet lag? So far, no swelling, no joint pains, no heartburn, no excessive weight gain and no major complications to speak of - and in Jesus name that's the way it'll stay!
We've both started our antenatal classes now. Mike has his Dads-to-be classes on a Monday night, and apparently they're calling him Dr Mike because he seems to know exactly what to do when I'm in labour, and all the other guys are in awe of him . Of course, he's ever the class clown. We went on our tour of the labour suite at the hospital and he got to try the Entonox (gas and air/laughing gas) that they give women in labour to ease their pain. He was the only Dad that would try it!! So funny! His voice went all deep and he couldn't stop laughing.
This week we're (well Mike is) decorating the baby's room. We don't know what we're having so we've gone neutral, and of course, for Mike and Claire, that means some form of creams and browns! I'll post some pictures once it's done. Can't wait to get all the blankets and baby clothes washed and put away in there  .
People have been asking us what we still need and what they can get us for the baby, and the truth is, not a lot, because we've got all the big stuff. There are still a few specific things that we want on our wish list at Mothercare, that we've put off getting in case we get duplicates. Plus people keep getting annoyed that there's nothing left to buy as gifts for us, because I keep buying them when they're on special offer (woops). So if you're desperate to buy us a gift  , you can go to www.mothercare.com, click on "my wish list", type in the "search for a wish list" box, either my hotmail address, or just Claire (not Claire LaBerge) and when it asks for a location, key in Livingston. That should take you to our list, and they'll have it sent directly to us. I'm always adding stuff, as there are things that I just didn't think of when I first put it together, so keep an eye on it. Some of the stuff is kinda expensive  but if it's not something that's specifically Mothercare, you can get it anywhere that's cheaper. Just let me know and I'll take it off the list.
Well it was a long one, but it's been a while, and I don't know how much opportunity I'll have to blog once the baby's here. It'll definitely be low on the priority list. Eek!! I'm gonna be a Mummy!!
 
All our little baby things on the washing line
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| Yessssss!!!!! I just paid off my Student Loan IN FULL!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
PRAISE JESUS!
AMEN!
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